If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.