Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.