Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese