I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.