Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up