Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.