Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well