If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.