I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."