Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?