it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I could make wine with my vomit