Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub

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  (503): you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub http://tfl.nu/rmdg
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  We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.

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  (503): We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty. http://tfl.nu/32wc
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  I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose

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  (503): I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose http://tfl.nu/4w95
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  Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old

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  You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.

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  (949): Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old (503): You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24. http://tfl.nu/2eqo
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  This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."

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  Finding that toy duck there was weird right?

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  (503): This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again." (1-541): Finding that toy duck there was weird right? http://tfl.nu/x1mm
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  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
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  and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.

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  (503): and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath. http://tfl.nu/qhij
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  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  (503): He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/9fad
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  She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.

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  (503): She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true. http://tfl.nu/uoge
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  So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.

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  (503): So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper. http://tfl.nu/n7cq
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  Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...

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  (503): Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night... http://tfl.nu/z9ky
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  My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

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  (503): My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin" http://tfl.nu/dw59
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  On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral

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  (503): On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral http://tfl.nu/aofs
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  I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."

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  (503): I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes." http://tfl.nu/i7yc
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  You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!

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  (503): You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit! http://tfl.nu/d8vz
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