Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.

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  I'm dying.

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  (503): It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me. (541): I'm dying. http://tfl.nu/wgmh
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (777)
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  I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick

  (541): View more from Oregon

  the rest of him looks just as crooked

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  (503): I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick (541): the rest of him looks just as crooked http://tfl.nu/114k
  Replies (14) Good night (548) Bad night (3986)
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  Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.

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  (503): Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high. http://tfl.nu/n3hc
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  We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding

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  (503): We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding http://tfl.nu/3uk9
  Replies (8) Good night (542) Bad night (1498) Order T-Shirt
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  Me too!

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  (503): Me too! http://tfl.nu/uciw
  Replies (34) Good night (541) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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  (503): And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company. http://tfl.nu/g17w
  Replies (25) Good night (540) Bad night (2035) Order T-Shirt
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  At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.

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  (503): At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit. http://tfl.nu/01u9
  Replies (5) Good night (535) Bad night (3526) Order T-Shirt
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  Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.

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  (503): Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy. http://tfl.nu/7ct1
  Replies (11) Good night (534) Bad night (3041) Order T-Shirt
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  You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.

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  Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.

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  (503): You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks. (503): Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks. http://tfl.nu/twir
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (260)
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  Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.

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  (503): Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur. http://tfl.nu/hsyp
  Replies (7) Good night (531) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
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  My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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  (503): My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night. http://tfl.nu/xdrw
  Replies (19) Good night (528) Bad night (4405) Order T-Shirt
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  I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...

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  (503): I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot... http://tfl.nu/6eyj
  Replies (14) Good night (523) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
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  I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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  (503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm
  Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
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  do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?

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  (503): do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice? http://tfl.nu/c0bh
  Replies (14) Good night (519) Bad night (4896) Order T-Shirt
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  Still breathing?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What.

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  (503): Still breathing? (303): Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences. (503): What. http://tfl.nu/d219
  Replies (4) Good night (518) Bad night (174)