if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.