Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.