Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
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should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.