I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!