Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it