No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug