Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...