he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.