make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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