wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage