I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.