I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.