I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
