He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.