Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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  (503): He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long.. http://tfl.nu/2c8x
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  Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.

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  (503): Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day. http://tfl.nu/x1ay
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  I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took

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  (503): I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took http://tfl.nu/phka
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  Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday

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  (503): Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday http://tfl.nu/7fl3
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  i'll probably be on drugs forewarning

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  forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you

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  (541): i'll probably be on drugs forewarning (503): forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you http://tfl.nu/wpmw
  Replies (1) Good night (1124) Bad night (359)
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  I'm your Election Erection Connection

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  I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.

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  (503): I'm your Election Erection Connection (860): I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/1sjz
  Replies (9) Good night (1374) Bad night (356)
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  I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.

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  (503): I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work. http://tfl.nu/c4w1
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  I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.

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  Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.

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  (503): I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature. (503): Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true. http://tfl.nu/zw1q
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (347)
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  Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.

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  (503): Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you. http://tfl.nu/ee0n
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  He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.

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  (503): He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor. http://tfl.nu/y1d6
  Replies (9) Good night (929) Bad night (333)
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  So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...

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  (503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address... http://tfl.nu/a3xh
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  In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.

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  (503): In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase. http://tfl.nu/gdrn
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  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  (503): He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/9fad
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  Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"

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  (503): Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck" http://tfl.nu/2coz
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  I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose

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  (503): I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose http://tfl.nu/4w95
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