Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?