Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.