Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (503)

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.

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(503): I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else. http://tfl.nu/cpkz

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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.

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You made out with EVERYBODY.

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Can I just bleach my life?

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(702): Last night was just one giant freudian slip. (503): You made out with EVERYBODY. (702): Can I just bleach my life? http://tfl.nu/dy05

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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.

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(503): You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before. http://tfl.nu/c801

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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom

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(503): Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/09st

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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress

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(503): I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress http://tfl.nu/vffb

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Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?

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(503): Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me? http://tfl.nu/fx2p

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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

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(503): That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal. (1-503): THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO http://tfl.nu/95vh

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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

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What kind of balloon animal was it?

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(503): you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor. (1-503): What kind of balloon animal was it? http://tfl.nu/lyo1

Replies (12) Good night (1909) Bad night (454)
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Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?

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(503): Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes? http://tfl.nu/o6hc

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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it

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(503): Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it http://tfl.nu/r81k

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well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.

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(503): well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride. http://tfl.nu/51rz

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Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum

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(503): Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum http://tfl.nu/wrcg

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i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.

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(503): i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean. http://tfl.nu/trho

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Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.

(360): View more from Washington

im coming over.

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(503): Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call. (360): im coming over. http://tfl.nu/x6qr

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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...

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(503): Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out... http://tfl.nu/v7xz

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Last Night in Oregon (503)

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