When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?