she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.