Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list