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Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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