hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what