Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (914)

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  Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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  (914): Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting." http://tfl.nu/dhfp
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  Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.

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  (914): Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/7q9y
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  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

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  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
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  i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition

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  (914): i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition http://tfl.nu/wv3s
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  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

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  (914): you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds http://tfl.nu/u8pq
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  i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.

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  (914): i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday. http://tfl.nu/f71h
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  vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable

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  (914): vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable http://tfl.nu/smln
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  my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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  (914): my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet http://tfl.nu/lao3
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  threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

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  (914): threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student http://tfl.nu/czt4
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  i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.

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  (914): i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed. http://tfl.nu/dx0g
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  after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.

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  (914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/2bsg
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  End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

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  (914): End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide. http://tfl.nu/bl6v
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  Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.

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  (914): Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts. http://tfl.nu/g5ed
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  My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.

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  (914): My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control. http://tfl.nu/45m8
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  woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again

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  (914): woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again http://tfl.nu/hmop
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