Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dating After Heartbreak
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?