she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.