she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad