Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.