I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see