she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.