just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart