Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (815)

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  There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

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  (815): There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick. http://tfl.nu/npkp
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  His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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  (815 ): His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. http://tfl.nu/efr0
  Replies (30) Good night (5692) Bad night (548)
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  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

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  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
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  i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

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  (815): i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed. http://tfl.nu/wp0k
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  Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.

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  (815): Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet. http://tfl.nu/agm0
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  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
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  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

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  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
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  I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"

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  (815): I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck" http://tfl.nu/5odg
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  I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

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  (815): I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on. http://tfl.nu/mukq
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  This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.

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  (815): This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing. http://tfl.nu/2ksa
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  my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

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  (815): my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway" http://tfl.nu/9cdg
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  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

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  that's gum

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  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
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  It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.

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  (815): It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/1u0t
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  escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

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  (815): escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see! http://tfl.nu/96ew
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  Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

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  (815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28
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