I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.