I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G