Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.