I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american