at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it