She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"