I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism