Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (845)

Last Night in New York (845)

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73

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Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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(845): Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian. http://tfl.nu/smlz

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Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

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Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

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(302): Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one? (845): Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides. http://tfl.nu/6dzh

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I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE

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(845): I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE http://tfl.nu/lkt9

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(845): View more from New York

My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet

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(845): My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet http://tfl.nu/jo6v

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i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart

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(845): i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart http://tfl.nu/aabo

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when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.

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(845): when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me. http://tfl.nu/56i6

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He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?

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(845): He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right? http://tfl.nu/rwt1

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maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

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(845): maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night http://tfl.nu/d95d

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If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf

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Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.

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(845): Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck. http://tfl.nu/wpar

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no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.

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You wear Armani Exchange.

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(845): no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue. (516): You wear Armani Exchange. http://tfl.nu/2dtf

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Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations

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(845): Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations http://tfl.nu/d924

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I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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(845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg

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i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7

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id pin you as more of an 8

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(845): i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7 (1-845): id pin you as more of an 8 http://tfl.nu/ua5n

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Last Night in New York (845)

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