she woke up with a sticky ear
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
