What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.