I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?