some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays