He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.