i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake