i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake