Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious