I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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