So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.