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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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