To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?