With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.