We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.