Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (850)

Last Night in Florida (850)

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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.

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(850): I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud. http://tfl.nu/igxs

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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

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Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

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(850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m

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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.

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(850): He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable. http://tfl.nu/zo4w

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So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?

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(850): So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant? http://tfl.nu/queo

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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...

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(850): I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away... http://tfl.nu/luji

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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

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(850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd

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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.

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(850): It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant. http://tfl.nu/v68q

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Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me

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(850): Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me http://tfl.nu/sziw

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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work

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(850): apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work http://tfl.nu/utr1

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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco

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(850): My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco http://tfl.nu/szsc

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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

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(850): Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean? http://tfl.nu/rbfp

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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.

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(850): So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them. http://tfl.nu/vjo6

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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.

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(850): I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here. http://tfl.nu/dms5

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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.

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(850): Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks. http://tfl.nu/uggh

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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."

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(850): Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay." http://tfl.nu/hng1

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Last Night in Florida (850)

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