"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.