Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.