just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.