I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
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and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game