He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.