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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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