found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno