Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud