Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69